26. How Regulating Your Nervous System Creates the Life You Desire, with Randi Halaway

Susana: Hey everyone and happy Suzday. Today I'm speaking with Randi Halaway, a self love coach who helps people navigate life with a greater sense of their personal agency, empowering them to create the life of their dreams even out of the most challenging seasons within it. We find a deep connection in what we are devoted to. There is a surge. There is a surge of love at this greater magnitude than we've ever felt before.

And so much of it is in the context of what we are doing with our child, how we are responding to them, how we are bonding with them. And you might have found the same aspects of this in running a business or just being part of your community. So while I'm here with the self love guru, I would just love Randi's help in breaking this down, how to make self love more of an operating system and less of something that has to go into the to do list. Welcome to Yoga for Mom Life. I'm Susana Jones, and I'm here to help moms keep their health and well-being in the picture while raising a family.

With timeless wisdom and time efficient yoga, being a mom looks and feels more like thriving. Learn more at YogaforMomLife.com.

Welcome to the show, Randi.

Randi: Thank you so much for having me.

Susana: Okay. So, Randi, I know you've spoken with a lot of moms in your coaching practice. And what I have gathered from over the years of speaking with moms whose kid is the same age as mine or whatever it is, we're going through a lot of the same things. So there is a certain universal experience that is unfolding that's probably particular to our culture. But what kinds of things are newish moms or moms or business owners coming to you with, and how can we start programming some more self love into that experience?

Randi: Yeah. That's a great question. So I would say, you know, the at the at the core, what's coming to me is, you know, there's not enough time. I feel overwhelmed. Like you said, there's this monumental hill I feel like I'm facing every day and if I do take some time for myself, then I immediately feel guilty.

Yeah. And so that's sort of the theme that comes in. So, anyone who's listening, if you're feeling that way, just know that you're not alone that it's and it's okay to feel that way. This is a part of the process and so what I like to say is, you know, the first step is like, what if None of it's wrong. What if it's okay?

What if there's no meaning to the fact that you're in this season and it's tough or you feel guilty or it's hard to make yourself a priority. What if that didn't have to mean anything, right? And so that's the first piece because what that goes into is that's getting you into a little bit more of a state of surrender and acceptance and the more that we're accepting and surrendering, the more we're in flow, more we're regulating our nervous system. So, things happen in our life. Life comes with challenge.

It comes with things that can be challenging, right? And we typically have two choices. We can either kind of judge it, react to it which makes it bigger, give it or we can respond to it, surrender to it which allows it to just move and then we get back into more flow. One is going to create more of a deregulated nervous system which feels more chaotic, more anxious in the body which then remember, we're creating in every moment and we're creating from whatever's going on inside. So if I'm feeling really deregulated, if I'm feeling really chaotic and overwhelmed and anxious and again chaotic, then I'm probably creating more of that in my outer world.

Here is how could we give ourselves a little bit of grace? First of all, let's let go of the judgment. You're not doing anything wrong. It's okay to feel guilty. It's okay for it to be challenging.

What if we could just surrender to like this is the season I'm in, right? So, now, I'm a little bit more regulated. The the pressure is kinda off. A little bit of the judgment is off. And, again, I'm just gonna make make this some of you might be thinking, well, how the heck do I do that?

Well, I'm gonna get to a little bit more of that, but it really can just be a moment to moment choice. It can be that simple. Oh my gosh. I'm being really hard on myself right now. I'm going to make a different choice.

I'm fighting this right now. I'm going to make a different choice. I'm going to surrender. You know what? I'm doing my best and my best is enough.

And so now I'm more in flow. So now my system is not so tense and I'm starting to regulate, which means I'm getting more into my power, which means now I have more space to see opportunity. So yes, I understand as a new mom or even a mom that has multiple children or whatever you've got going on, you've got a business, you've got a husband, you've got to dos, all this stuff. Part of what's going on is if we're not regulated, we could have a really long to do list. And I hear this all the time from clients whether they have children or not.

They're like, Randi, you don't understand my to do list. And I'm like, no. I do understand. I have one too. The question is, what's on your to do list, and does it really need to be on there?

Yeah. First question we wanna start looking at. Because when you're coming from a deregulated place, my guess is I could probably look at your to do list and take half of it off. Mhmm. And then perhaps I could probably find a way to make it half as hard.

Mhmm. Because everything is is this kinda chaotic thing when you when you take some time just to regulate. Then you look at your list and it's like, wait a second. That that doesn't even have to be done for six months. Why is it on my list?

Yeah. That actually isn't a thing right now. That actually doesn't really matter. Oh my gosh. I could delegate that.

Oh, that's not even in my wheelhouse. That's not even my area. Why am I taking that on? Why am I trying to save this person or save that situation or whatever. Right?

So it allows space for you to slow down to kind of, you know, breathe. Mhmm. And be more aware and more intentional about what you're choosing to focus on, what you're choosing to do moment to moment. From my perspective, what I've seen, that is gonna create more time and space for you to start giving yourself more time.

Susana: Yeah. This is an episode to bookmark, everyone. Okay? I've already taken a full page of notes here. And you're in my field, Randi.

It's like but I'm like, yep. That's good. Mhmm. That really, really matters. Yeah.

The to do list thing is really interesting because sometimes the to do list is not entirely in our control. Like, you know, you might start off a Monday with a certain to do list, and then it gets completely sidelined. And, I mean, this is that's again, this is universal. Like, things happen that, you know, throw a wrench in our plans. It's not like if you don't have a child, you're not dealing with the same kind of monkey wrenches.

You know? But there is kind of like a there's always a wild card when there is a kid involved that I think, you know, messes with plans a little bit more than might happen. And and I think this is actually it parallels really, really well with the entrepreneurial world right now. I have a friend who's dealing with the monkey wrench of, you know, tariffs and what that looks like on her on her decor business. And how do we keep going, Randy, when we are just, like, feeling dejected of, like, damn it.

I just made the perfect plan. You know? I paired it down. I took out the inessential things, and now I can't do any of it because this is happening. Where do we go in those kinds of moments?

Randi: Really good question. So yeah. Yes. The first work is let me just look at my list. Let me take off.

And, again, you can make a list. Like, this is my six month list. This is my three month list. This is my month list and, like, my week list, and this is my today list. Right?

Just to break it down because your mind cannot handle looking at your six month list or even your three month, even your month, even, like, your week sometimes. Mhmm. So break it down. But then you're right. So you've got your list.

You've got it fine tuned, and then the world starts worlding. Mhmm. Things start happening, things start coming in and here's the deal, that's inevitable. Again, life comes with challenge. What you want to be doing next is going back to what I very first started saying is letting go of the meanings.

You had made a comment of the perfect list, which means the mind is trying to create this idea that you're going to have a perfect list which means you're to have a perfect day which means you're going to perfectly be you know, productive. Productive and I'm perfect, then I can finally feel safe. Right. I can finally feel enough.

Susana: Yeah. I totally resonate with that.

Randi: And I can really not feel anxious anymore because I've got all this pressure on me. I've got all this pressure. Now I wanna let you know that like the pressure is from you and you alone most times because you also get to choose what works for you, what doesn't work for you, what you said yes to. So if you're no. No.

No. You don't understand. So and so put the pressure on me. Mhmm. That's again, you know, you've gotta have to decide, like, am I giving my power away, or am I creating from my power?

If someone else is putting pressure on you, it's because you allowed it.

Susana: Mhmm.

Randi: So start to just be aware of, like, where the perfection is. I need to be I need to be productive. I need to get this done. So, again, we're letting go of the meetings. We're getting versus force.

Mhmm. Like, trying to control is probably gonna be pretty painful. If we're more surrendered, we get more flow. Right. Next, what comes in is learning how to be a navigator, which means you're learning how to negotiate with yourself all day long.

This was my plan, which was a great plan at the beginning of the day, but wow, then this happened and we had to go to the doctor and then we had someone fell and then then someone this happened. Okay. So what you're learning how to do, you're actually being a mom gives you this opportunity to become this super high level navigator. Because again, if you really want to have a happy, freeing, fulfilling, abundant life, it's not going to be because everything is perfect. I can tell you that right now.

And it's not going be because everything just works out just so. Or there's not things that happen that don't upset you. This is life. It's planet earth. This is kind of what we signed up for.

It's gonna be because you learned how to be so present and you learned how to negotiate with yourself and you learned how to navigate the inevitable challenges, the inevitable things that happen because you're just like because now you're flow. I had a plan. Oh, it's not going well. Okay. Let me reevaluate.

Let me negotiate with myself. Okay. That's not gonna work out. Let that's gonna go to tomorrow now. Mhmm.

And it's okay. Again, take pressure off. Right? So now you're in your power. Now you're in flow versus, like, going up against this, we'll see.

This always happens to me. Because, again, we're creating in every moment. And we're either creating more from lack, chaos, victim. This is happening to me. Or we're creating from love, truth, victor.

This is happening for me. So giving our power away over here on the ego side, creating from our power. Yeah. Whatever you're creating from is going to determine your results.

Very simple. This is universal law. This isn't something that I made up. This

Susana: No, it's freaking quantum physics, Randi. Yeah. This works. So if you just the awareness of this is your power. It's like, wait a second. Where am I creating from? The second you start to get anxious and, oh my god. This is happening to me. I can't believe this is happening. Oh gosh. It's like, wait. Woah. Hold on. Hold on. Mhmm. Creating from fear and lack and victim or am I creating from my power? And here's the thing. The second you realize you've given your power away, the best news is that it's your power, which means you can take it back whenever you want.

That is good news.

Randi: There's nothing big that needs to happen. This is all a moment to moment choice. Oh my gosh. I gave my power away taking it back. Yeah. Cool. I'm powerful AF. What am I gonna do now? Well, I'm gonna take this, this, this off my list. Now what's my priority? Well, my kid needs to go to the doctor, so now we're gonna go do that. Mhmm. If you don't take that phone call in the car, I'll call so and so, see what else is possible. You know? And when we're in that place, then all of a sudden, maybe you get to the doctor and all of a sudden you meet somebody and you have a connection, and that could be a new client or that could be a new opportunity or whatever.

When we're in flow, you never know what's possible. Anything is possible. Yeah. Because you are ultimately being guided in that way to, like, where you're actually supposed to be where versus your mind thinks you're supposed to be. Mhmm.

Susana: That's a very empowered place to situate ourselves where we can go with the ins and outs, the highs and lows of all this. Something that is kind of a sticky area, specifically for moms is, you know, when we're figuring out to raise a child for the first time, specifically to care for an infant or a toddler. If we have very little frame of reference on how to actually do that, and every kid is different. And so, you know, we're forever having to figure them out, you know, especially at a very young age where their physical needs are so endless, you know. So, you know, as I was in that early phase with my son, I was consulting the Internet a ton, you know, which which was also pandemic days still, so there wasn't a whole lot of interpersonal exchange in the, you know, yeah, in the place where you could be physically with community then.

But, you know, I found myself sourcing information, you know, from everything from, like, you know, medical resources, Mayo Clinic is my fave, to mommy blogs, you know, talking about how to deal with this and that, how to navigate. And so it's like, I found that I was trying to follow some some really well appointed steps. And so something as simple as, like, nap time. Like, that was my hardest time of day for, like, a couple of years there. You know?

Like, I wanted to follow this, like, special formula for how to get a nap in at the right time. So there had to be feeding considerations and all of this, and and nap time was gonna be a time that I could finally get some quiet and, you know, reset my nervous system. And if that didn't happen, oh my god. Like, that's really when my, like, postpartum depression kicked in. And it, kinda coincided with my son, you know, starting to hit. Like, he would, like, hit our faces a lot, you know, when he was frustrated.

And, oh my god, I'm so glad that I had some yoga experience, some practice, you know, really holding steady in those moments to to kind of control my reactions. When impossible, it didn't always go perfectly. But, like, there's still just this part of it that I'm still processing even though now my son is four, doesn't need a nap, sleeps through the night. He's in preschool.

I get to work out five times a week. Like, it's awesome. And I'm like, okay. But I really wanna zero in on, like, what it's like for moms who are figuring this whole thing out where it's like, yes, we want to go with the flow, but it's so turbulent. Like, we're in, like, category five whitewater rapids.

And it feels like that because we have the life and well-being and future self of a tiny human to worry about. You know? So what do we do with that?

Randi: Yeah. It just it feels like that in this moment, I'm trying to, you know, tap into and it's just overwhelm. It's overwhelm. And I think anyone who's familiar with overwhelm knows, like, what happens when you're over do you know what happens when you're overwhelmed?

Susana: For me, I just stop. You know?

Randi: Shut down. Yeah. So just so you know, for anyone listening who doesn't know this, like, the second you go into overwhelm, you might as well just stop trying.

Susana: Yeah. Stop trying. Mhmm.

Randi: Stop trying because Yeah. It's it's not the time and or the place. You're not you're not gonna be productive and overwhelmed. You're just gonna cause, like, basically, what I call, like, more shit from shit. You're kinda kinda getting shit from shit.

Mhmm. And so I think acknowledging that you're in overwhelm is helpful because you're like, oh, okay. Like, now it's like moment you're right. It's survival. Now it's like, what do I need to do now?

Well, I just need to help him get help who you know, my child get down for a nap or just need and so what happens is when you do that, you're forcing yourself to become present. Mhmm. And because part of what's going on here is like your ego and your mind is still like, well, when is any perfect? When is it gonna be the perfect nap time, the perfect thing, the perfect I haven't fed perfect fit, nap perfect, time off perfect. Right.

The answer is never.

Susana: And but people would have you believe that it's possible if you do x y z with this special equation and blah blah blah.

Randi: You know? They're different. Like, I think it might be important to point out that we're dealing with human beings here. Like children are human beings. Each one has its own soul, its own personality, its own body, its own makeup, its own thing.

So I get that there are things that can be sort of neutral and like, yeah, ideally you're having a nap at this time. Ideally, you're doing this nutrition. Ideally, you're doing it this way. But like each human being has their own uniqueness. Each human being as a parent has their own uniqueness.

Then each family dynamic has its own uniqueness. So I think it's it's really great that there's resources out there and things like that, but please remember that you're unique to you. Mhmm. So the question is, like, what works for me? Yeah.

So so and so is doing it this way. So if so and so is doing it this way and it's not working that way for me, now I'm judging myself for that, I'm back in the chaotic victim pattern. Right. So pull out of that, recognize you're in overwhelm, start whatever you can do to breathe, get back in your into your power, and, like, again, let go of whatever else you thought was happening because to go go with what you need to do in that moment. But the question is is, like, what's in my highest for me and my family, for me and my child versus whatever is supposed to be the case?

And I'm air quoting right now for anyone who can't see me. Like, It's the perfection. It's the control that gets us in trouble. That's what gets us on this hamster wheel and we're going around. No.

You don't understand. This is the perfect day. I'm supposed to have it this way. It's like, okay. And how is that working out for you?

Susana: The ultimate question. How's that working out?

Randi: For all means, please, by all means, keep going. But if it's not working out well for you, again, get off the wheel. Recreate your own reality, your own systems. So remember, you're very powerful and you're very intuitive.

All the guidance and answers you're looking for, we all have with inside of us. The question is, are you slowing down enough to ask, listen, and then receive? You're in the moment, it's really chaotic or like, my god, so and so said I'm supposed to do it this way. It's not working out for me. It'll take a minute.

I realize I'm in realize I'm in stress right now. Okay. Stop. Right. Our children pick up on our energy.

Susana: Mhmm. Yeah. And I think here's what that could look like. So given the the nap the nap example, you know, my son sometimes exhibits a little bit of an anxious attachment for me with me. And, you know, and putting him down for a nap , it's like was like the end of the world for him.

Little love. He's so sweet. But I would be at my wit's end. And so I, you know, would take that moment because I was like, well, this is not gonna get any better right now. And I would, you know, softly tone, close the door, and I would go have a sip of water. No. I would go fill up an entire glass of water and just take it down. And just and I learned that from Durga Lila in Yoga of Recovery, you know, to just change the frame. You know what I mean? Drink an entire glass of water.

A, because I needed it. Two, like, on a cellular level, I needed it. But two, like, you know, it was just that moment of sensory reset where nothing else was happening. It was just me pounding a glass of water and then going back in slightly more regulated within myself to figure out what to do next for this non sleeping child who was overtired. You know?

Randi: That seemed to help?

Susana: It did. Oh, yeah.

Randi: So the thing is when you're fighting something, it's all it doesn't again, it doesn't really matter if you're a mom or not, whatever you're doing. These are, like, foundational, teachings. When you're fighting something, you're gonna get more fight back. Right. You're surrendered, you're gonna get more surrender back.

Yeah. Whatever you're doing. This is business. This is finances. This is your body. This is your health. This is your children. This is your husband. This is your partner. This is anything in life. Like attracts like.

Susana: Yeah.

Randi: You're creating from whatever is going on inside. Mhmm. So, yes, there's a lot of different tools and different things we could talk about on exactly what you can do, but really at the core, the biggest thing here is your choice on where you're creating from moment to moment. That's what's gonna change. Yeah.

And that because you're again, you're either giving your power away as, oh my gosh. This he doesn't wanna take a nap. He doesn't wanna take a nap, or she doesn't wanna do this, or she doesn't wanna and it's like fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting. Yeah. Versus, okay.

This isn't working. Let me surrender. Let me take three deep breaths in through my nose. Hold it. Yeah.

You do that three times. It's gonna regulate your nervous system. Now back, you're coming back too. And it's like, wait a second. I'm so powerful.

I have access to infinite possibilities. Yes. This is my only choice. If we don't nap at 3PM, the world is over.

Susana: It feels like that. Yeah. Sometimes. But

Randi: but but is it, though?

Susana: Right. And no. It definitely is not. No. We live.

We survive.

Randi: Exactly. So I have a best friend. She just called me yesterday, she's like, we were gonna meet up. And she's like, well, we didn't do a nap today. You know?

It's probably not the best time to come meet up, but that's okay. She's like, so now we're just hanging out and, like, letting it roll. Like, what do you like, you you again, you can try to force it and control it, or you can let let it flow, which is gonna give you the best result, which I know ultimately the best result is that they go down for the nap and all that stuff. But maybe the best result is that you didn't get a nap, and now you're just moment to moment doing what needs to happen to kind of roll with the result of that. Now you're present, which means now you're accessing your power, which means you can go and flow.

That's the reality is here too is remember, we're only promised the present moment anyway. Mhmm. Everything that you're ultimately looking for can only exist in this moment. Your mind is constantly trying to keep you in the past. Can you believe what happened?

Mhmm. Or gosh. What's gonna happen? Right. Not in the present moment, but it's it's if you're living in the past or the future, you're gonna wake up five years, ten years, fifteen, twenty years, and be like, where where was I?

Because you're not present. Mhmm. You don't even remember. Yeah. So this whole thing, this it starts with learning how to take your power back.

Well, I'm sorry. It starts with learning how to recognize that you're giving your power away Mhmm. First and foremost. And that's, like, forcing, pushing, controlling, and then take your power back. Once you're in your power, you breathe, you regulate.

Now you can kinda see clearly. So it's a difference between going like this. I'm kinda doing tunnel vision right now.

Susana: Mhmm.

Randi: I'm only focused on a nap at 3PM, and that's the only option. I'm fully blocked. I'm so limited. Yeah. Once I take a deep breath, I get back.

I open this up. Right? And all of a sudden, I'm looking around, and I'm like, wow. There's infinite possibilities around me.

Susana: Yes.

Randi: What else is possible? So that's another question you can ask. What else is possible right now? Right. What else is possible?

Right? And so that's just kinda creating more space. And then lastly, the thing I wanted to touch on to this question is just remember that you're in a season. So like Mhmm. What do you do when you know that it's really hard right now and, like, you know, whatever.

Trust it's a season. This too shall pass. You shall pass. I'm in a season. Because you just mentioned that now your son is in preschool and now you have space and you can work out five days a week and all that because you were in a season and now you're in a different season.

Susana: Yeah.

Randi: So remember that it's a season. No matter what, this too shall pass, which is what's gonna help you give that extra energy to stay present and navigate whatever it is that's in front of you in that moment. Mhmm.

Susana: Randi, you're really good at breaking down perennial wisdom into this day in this time in our lives. Wherever we are all at individually, every single soul on earth can benefit from these perspectives, which is why they have existed for thousands of years and why it really, really helps to have someone like you who can translate these teachings into the modern day. So okay. You know, there's that Einstein quote that, like, you cannot solve a problem with the same consciousness that created it. And that's why it's beneficial to speak with someone like Randi or to adopt some practices like yoga because they totally change how our consciousness is operating, where as Randy has shared, new solutions become apparent where else where we would not have seen them before when we're in tunnel vision thinking that the only way to success in our lives or in raising our children is to follow a certain set of rules or guidelines.

And I just really appreciate Randi's ability to tap into the universal experiences that we have and to really be present with what is being said and what is the overarching theme that can bring us greater ease and freedom and joy and personal expression into this life. So, Randi, what's a way that people can work with you more directly?

Randi: Yeah. Thank you so much. So a great way to connect is on Instagram. So it should be @RandiHalaway My website is RandiHalaway.com.

My email is Randi@RandiHalaway.com. It's all pretty simple. If anyone is, has any questions about anything that I shared today, please feel free to send me a DM. I'm happy to share. I also have a monthly membership that you can find on my website or the link in my bio if you're looking to kinda start get started with this work and do some, like, mindset things.

It's really affordable. I also have a free ninety minute, virtual workshop coming up called The Master Manifester. It's a really powerful training in learning how to let go of your limitations. So really kind of diving deeper into what I spoke about today of, like, really catching where the mind and your limitations are playing havoc in your life, learning how to pull that back and get more into power so you can be creating more from your power. And then I'm going to dive into the top manifestation techniques that have worked really well for me and my clients.

And then we're going to talk about a daily routine. So, we've got all these things that we're talking about and it's like, okay, what can we do to set ourselves up at the beginning of our day? So that we can have success in catching when I've given my power away and take it back. We can have success at focusing on what I want in my life versus what's not going well because what we're focusing on is expanding. It's a really powerful training.

It's on April 28 at 5PM PST. I know you'll you'll drop the link in the show notes. It'll be in my bio as well but it's completely free. If you're able to come live, we have prizes and it's really fun. There's a lot of community on there and it's really powerful experience but if for some reason you're not able to come live, you can also just register, and we do send you the replay, which is great to have too.

These are really good trainings that you can go back to. Either way, you get the replay because, again, there's a lot of it's really really foundational teachings that you can hear over and over and over again as they integrate deeper and deeper into your system. Because what I've learned from my perspective in my life is what's really shifted for me is like the more again I have accepted and surrendered to what is in my life, the happier and freer I become. Yeah. Really what I'm doing is instead of fighting what is, I'm just navigating what is and getting back to it.

So something comes up, it's uncomfortable, I navigate it because that's what I've learned how to do and go back to having fun. Something uncomfortable, navigate it, and I go back to having fun. That's what creates the life of your dreams, not because everything is perfect. That's a that's a misconception. That's an illusion.

Right? Life is not meant to be perfect, But the more we can accept that and live moment to moment and learn how to just be like, Oh, what is this? Okay, what's the solution here? Oh, what is this making me feel like? Okay, let me flow.

Now I'm in my power. Now, I have more space and this is where you start to remember like, oh my gosh, everything that I'm seeking outwardly anyway already exists within. Now, you're free because it doesn't really matter what the world is doing now. You're free. Right.

And I think that's probably one of the most powerful things a human can experience, at least it has been for me. So

Susana: Absolutely. And every time you repeat that, I get something new from it. So it just speaks to how much good uncovering there is. And every step of the way is super beneficial and just takes some weight off of my shoulders, Randy, to hear you speak on just about anything. And having, attended one of your workshops, it was a really, really energizing and uplifting, but also very centering experience.

So I thank you so much for the work that you're doing and for all the ways that you support people on various paths of life. And thanks again for being here, Randy.

Randi: Thank you so much. It's a beautiful container that you're creating for people too. So really honoring you for that as well. And thank you so much for having me.

Susana: Thank you, my dear. To integrate the wisdom from today's episode into your life and nervous system, join me for virtual practice on demand and therapeutic one on one sessions at yogaformomlife.com. And if you find this show supportive and uplifting, please give it a rating wherever you're listening so more moms can hear it too. Thanks for tuning in and sharing the show with the moms you love. It's Yoga for Mom Life and it's about time.